Dr wapnir appny

 Today the dog woke me up at 230 am  … he wanted to go pee outside. I went down with him and when I went back to bed I couldn’t sleep … I was restless tossing and turning. Is it because I have to see my breast surgeon in the morning.  I tried to force myself to sleep and then it worked. During my sleep I had weird dreams. First my dog pug scratched himself bloody and when I said I don’t want to go to the vet he threw up . Then another scene had set it to my dream. My husbands friends are downstairs ready to party for Greg’s bday.  Then my dream jumped to my cousins Ronnel and his wife Kristina telling me that their place is not a good place where they bought the house …as they were telling me this somehow the girl is turning bald and saying I don’t know my hair just fell off… and then another guy I knew before already dead saying he is going to Cathay pacific and I was like yah like the plane? Then I woke up to an alarm to get stuff readyto for my sons school. 

1055 I got to the clinic 11 am I was called and then my heart rate just kept increasing I don’t have any thoughts but it was just increasing in the 90s  the na dr student came in and ask a few questions which raised my heart rate up more to 115bpm… I think it s the way on how she asked it …then she left and I was trying to make my heart rate go down.  It only went down down to 90s … after an hour the dr wapnir came in and ask how I’m doing I said same stuff as before… I don’t really know what to say . She checked me and said oh I don’t need to see you anymore. I felt sad and happy at the same time. It feels like a graduation… like are you really going to make me fly free? In my head I’m like are you sure but I didn’t want to say it out loud and be weak.   I asked more questions about recurrences and told her that my brain cells are kinda back and might be scared that other I don’t want to be back might be back but she assured me my mammo looks good so I said alright that sounds good to end things… she held my cold hands and said it has been a pleasure to be on your blah blah team …. And I said thank you I was just lost for words words all I can say is thank you … you did great … then she said  that’s why momeni gives me a hard time when I make my flap thin…  as they left the room I should’ve ask for a photo with her… but too late now … As I get out of the parking lot there’s a car infront of me who can’t pay his parking then a woman behind said I’ll pay for him some of us have to work on time… what a nice lady…

stop by for final check on my boo boo

Saw Kerry and said it looks good and healed.  Today dr. Wapnir stop by and said " if anyone wants to poke for nodules go see me first".  

Scabbing

On the way to the appnt. I feel anxious knowing that there is an intent of cutting a piece out on my boob.  In the car I feel my tummy turn upside down.  I have taken propanolol and my hr is at 89.
I've been waiting for a bit and my tummy doesn't feel ok.  I have nerves made out of eggs.
Now im in the room and finally a familiar face came in.  I'm so happy to see her it's the P>S's asst Np.  She poked at it and said that it's so tiny.   She took a picture and  another person came in to take a look.  She is preparing a bag for me.  Cut a little piece of this yellow cloth in half then try and poke it inside s it will heal from the inside.  Looks like we got it covered and don't need to see the dr. We have a plan and said to see her again next week.  So relieved that I didn't need to be cut open.  I got out of there and now waiting for my ride.

onco yearly appnt

Everything is fine ....chit chat about stuff... then theres this raised skin near my flap.  The np didnt seem concerned, she said it's probably nothing but she uttered the word biopsy.... anxiety raised the roof... ah in my head I didnt want to do it.  I was freaking out inside my head.  So then she left us to find the other dr for 2nd opinion. I was left with my husband I know he would want to know.  So I gather myself and said let's do this. He came in and said I'm not concerned but we have to document it.  I was giving some excuses why it did what it did to my flap.  Like I was heavy lifting too much and probably my muscle trying to push it up.  Then they all looked like I was talking like it doesn't make sense scientifically.  He said, well it's not nothing, it is something.  So in my head is scrambling with anxiety "not again"... The onco asked the NP what do you want to do and when do you want to see her back? The NP replied lets do a biopsy and see her in 6 months.  I know if we don't do this this would just haunt her for 6 months until we see her.  The onco left so  the NP is very comforting, she said she will call me as soon as the results comes out.  I page them right now...just go up and check in."  So I and my husband go to 3rd floor...It would take 30mins for them to come to this building.... so I waited for an hour again and I told my husband to pick up my son from school and just come back and get me.  After 1hr, the I got called in they're ready for me.  I walked into the halls and into the room and the lady was really assuring like it doesn't hurt or it wouldn't hurt.  She did about 2 pokes then another dr came in and wanted to get sample from me too.  So that's another 2 pokes or 3.  They put it in the slides to go look into the microscope and they seemed optimistic like it's not cancer.  So I'm relieved.  Now Im glad that the NP did send me to do the biopsy, so I wouldn't worry as much. SO it didn't hurt so that was good.  My flap was just bruised.  After it's done I called my husband that im ready to go back home.  He picked me up and went to the fish taco place and eat because we are both starving...

Now the next few days were not easy... Still waiting for results and even though they told me it's not cancer I'm still worried because it's not on the paper...  It feels like it's hard to move on and do stuff when there is this results that im waiting.  I kept myself busy but at night.  that's when the worry comes in..

Thurs

I bought a shoe that goes with my dress.  black and gold. Ive learned in the past that I can't wear 3 inch heels anymore.  I'd like to be comfortable. So i bought a gold comfortable heels. and some make up stuff.

wed

I have viewed endless youtube videos... and I draw brows but my eyebrow looked like yo gabba gabba's eyebrow so thick near the nose.. I went out grocery shopping to see what reactions i will get .. My mom said draw thin not thick... So I came home and youtube once again. I found out to draw eyebrow with less hair. in my case it's the tail... i draw it more there so it looks more natural.

days before party work

Today Monday
I will shop and try on for a dress. Then if I have more time I will look for make up stuff

Tues
Learn to draw eyebrow

Wed
Learn to take out eye puff redness

Thurs
Look for a shoe

Fri
All ready just needs few make up stuff